Relationships
There are many different kinds of relationships that we may have throughout our lives (professional, casual, sexual). Sometimes it can be hard to tell the difference between healthy versus unhealthy relationships. Here are some tips for identifying the characteristics of each and assessing your own relationships.
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Relationships are something that can create and promote development, both in terms of the relationship, but also on a personal level. A healthy relationship is nurturing and creates a safe environment for people to grow. Healthy relationships may not come naturally; they require effort and need to be maintained.
Achieving Healthy Relationships
A major component in relationships is our ability to communicate. When people come together, communication is the way in which we express our thoughts, wants, and expectations to each other. If we don't have the ability to effectively communicate our thoughts or feelings, what would happen to relationships? Working on our personal communication skills is a great step towards strengthening the quality of your relationships. Effective communication takes practice and self-awareness, but is fundamental in healthy relationship.
Speaking clearly when you have something to share can be hard especially if you are having a hard time understanding your own feelings, or if the conversation is emotionally charged. It is okay to let your partner know that you are confused, or that you may not know the right answer. When you do have the idea you want to express try and make it as clear as possible. Be direct and assertive in how you say it.
Below is a list the basic communication styles. These styles can be used to achieve different results in different situations. Again, self-awareness is important in trying to work on the effectiveness of your own communication. As you read, try and think of times in your life when you found yourself using these communication styles.
- Aggressive
- Passive
- Assertive
Aggressive Speech:
Aggressive speech is a style when you stand up for your rights and what you believe, but you do so by putting down or intimidating others. Someone who uses the aggressive style believes that they are right, and everyone else should think like them. Using the aggressive style conveys the message that other people's feelings are not important, or that they are wrong. When someone is using aggressive communication, they often use accusing "You" statements, accepting no blame or fault in the situation. Usually feelings of guilt or anger from the other person are a consequence of this style of communication.
Passive Speech:
Passive Speech is a style of communication where you put the rights and feelings of others first, before recognizing your own. Someone who uses the passive style does not express their true feelings, because they don't want to disagree, or make any "waves". They believe that others' opinions are more "right" then their own. When someone uses passive communication they send the message that their feelings do not matter, or that they are less worthy than the other person. As a consequence, people who use passive communication may feel anger at themselves for not sticking up for what they want. They also run the risk of being disrespected, or pitied by others.
Assertive Speech:
Assertive communication is a style where you stand up for what you believe, but you do so while respecting the thoughts, feelings and beliefs of others. Someone who uses the assertive style acknowledges that both people in the conversation are equally important and have something to offer. Someone who speaks using the assertive style will use "I" statements (e.g. "I feel (fill in the blank with a feeling word) when you (fill in the blank with the behavior that is of concern to you), and I'd appreciate it if (fill in the blank with a way to resolve the conflict)"). An assertive communicator is also an effective listener. This person states observations without labeling or passing judgments.
As mentioned before it takes time and effort to work on our communication, but the results are well worth it. Healthy relationships are a partnership where both people have something to offer, but if we cannot effectively communicate with one another the partnership begins to break down.
Here is a link to a great site from Kansas State University that looks at what can be done to create and maintain healthy relationships: http://www.ksu.edu/counseling/topics/relationships/relatn.html
Remember you have rights in a relationship. If you feel like you are not being respected in the relationship you have the right to get out of it. Relationships should be a place you can turn to for support and care. If that is not what you are feeling you may want to think about what you can do to change that. Everyone deserves to be in a healthy and happy relationship.